Dear Abby: My alcoholic friends won’t stop drunk calling me

Dear ABBY: I have been friends with a couple for 30 years. Both are alcoholics. They work, they work at farmers markets, they are sociable, they have homes and they pay the bills. However, at least once, maybe twice a month, they completely dissolve and the wife calls me and walks incoherently. I suspect they get drunk even more often, but thankfully they don’t call me whenever they’re high.

I’ve been in terrible relationships where I drank too much to numb myself. Thankfully, I have been free of such toxicity for years. But I’m finding it increasingly difficult to deal with these drunk calls. I doubt I’m the only person my friend calls because she knows few others would understand her slurred speech. I’m tired of these calls. How to avoid them? – TIRED EAR IN ARIZONA

DEAR TIRED EAR: End those calls by being honest with your friend about the effect they have on you. So this while she is sober. Tell her you don’t want her to call you after she’s been drinking because her speech is so slurred you can’t understand what she’s saying. Say if it happens again you’ll hang up and if it does, move on. Let her calls go to voicemail. If you want to maintain any kind of relationship with this couple, only see them socially when they are (reasonably) sober.

DEAR ABBY: When I was a teenager, my immigrant grandparents brought back hand-knit sweaters from Ireland, the country they were born in, for everyone in our family. I value mine and take care of it, even though I’ve outgrown it.

Years later, a close friend asked to borrow this sweater for her neighbor’s kid who needed “something Irish” for a show-and-market event at school. The children were asked to bring in items related to Ireland. When I refused to borrow my heirloom sweater, my friend told me that she had already promised her neighbor that she could borrow it. She got very angry, accused me of being selfish and didn’t speak to me for several months.

We live in the same city, so I run into him sometimes. She is cordial but distant and clearly still upset with me. Keep in mind that I hardly know my friend’s neighbor – the one who wanted to borrow my sweatshirt for her baby. But even if I did, I wouldn’t lend this legacy to anyone. was i wrong – SENTIMENTAL IN MICHIGAN

SENTIMENTAL DEAR: You were neither selfish nor wrong! Your “friend” was out of line. She should never have promised anyone the use of property that was not hers. And for her to freeze you now for refusing to give it to her and risk something so precious to you being damaged is very nerve wracking. My advice is to follow her example. Be cordial but distant and don’t let her make you the bad person for saying no.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.